Random thoughts from the "absent" daughter.

Got up Tuesday morning mom is up, but not feeling well.  We still need to get her anti-nausea meds.  They weren't ready last night.  Mom goes back to bed.  The bunny and I go off to get her meds. 
God this is so hard.  Well, not that its been easy by any means, since i found out about my mother's cancer. 
I'm the oldest daughter and moved away when I was 23.  And mom was not happy. She didn't speak to me for 3 months but eventually she realized NC was good for me. She loves NC and loves to visit.  After over 17 years the place grows on you. 
I am a single woman, no children and no "career".  There are some who consider my life apparently worthless and since I have nothing I should just drop everything and move to back to NY.
I don't rule out moving back temporarily or permanently but that's not decision that can be made lightly.  
I love my mother more then I could ever say in words.  You have idea how painful it has been not being able be physically be here for my family.  My sister and my mom are everything to me. They are who made me who I am.  And I'm not ashamed of who I am and my life.    They are my biggest cheerleaders.
There will maybe decisions to be made including whether or not I should move.
For those of you who think I have nothing:
I have a lease.  One I just signed in September. I break that lease I will owe a lot of money and leave two people basically homeless. I have a job, two actually.  And they have been really great about letting me have time off so I can see my mom.  Then there is my performing life.  I do shows and gigs through out the year.  Of course there is my Group Nerd-Vana.  We are one year strong and still growing.  Our last show was amazing.  

Most importantly there are my friends who are the family I have made over 17 years of living in the Carolinas.  I'm not choosing my friends over my family.  But understand the reason I'm in NY right now because of them.  They raised money and still are raising travel money for me to help care for my mom.  They have been shoulders I have been crying on when its gets to be to much.  I did not know that I was so loved.  It been very humbling and i can't say enough nice things about my friends.

 It is very difficult for me just to pick up and leave.  IF I chose to move it will be done with forethought. I will need a job, and a place to stay.  These are not things I have right now here.  Never mind I would probably have to sell everything I own because most likely I would not have space to bring it with me. 

Please be aware this time for my family is very difficult.  And even though you may mean well, please do not tell me that it is my duty to move back.  This is a decision mother, my sister and I will make.  It will not be a rash decision.  I am very aware how serious the situation is.  This is my mother and I am not ready to lose her.  Don't think for a moment I do not love my mom or care about her well being.  I know that my sister has been doing the heavy lifting.  I don't need to be reminded.  I just ask you to be kind and considerate. I need your support and not your judgement.
Now we will get back to you regular mommy blog posts.  Thank you for letting me vent a bit.

The begining of our journey.

Mom's port got put in Thursday, no complications.   The War bunny (my roommate and honorary Rican )and I arrived at my moms house sat evening.  I was so glad to be home.  She was in good spirits but I could tell she was tired.  She made us dinner. It was really nice eating dinner around the table.  Just spending time with her has been joy.  Other then her being tired you wouldn't know she was sick.  

Monday Oct 28th is the big day.  Today as I write this, Betsy and Liz (one of Mommy "adopted" children) arrived in the morning.  Just to get hug Betsy made my day.  Had to get some paperwork done.  Then we all piled into the van Mommy and all her children. (ones she gave birth to and some she didn't) The war bunny gave my mommy a very special gift to take with her.  Get Better Bunny.  It was the Bunny that was given to him when he was having heart surgery and now that he was better he passed it down to my mother.

One thing you have to understand about Rick (war bunny) is that he is a 3 time cancer survivor himself.   Hospitals are not his favorite places to be.   

Look shiny!  Long Island Jewish Medical Center

Okay the boring part we registered and and waited for them to call Mommy's name. We were all kinda nervous except for Mom who was little annoyed we didn't bring her CD player.  Betsy put you tube on her phone so she could watch a Spanish movie. 

Fish! They were in the waiting and I felt the need to take a picture I'm not really sure why.

They called her name.  All of ladies went in with her. Rick stayed back in waiting room. Again hospitals freak him out.  At this is weighing and getting blood drawn talks of her blood count and her medications.  Talking to the social worker.  The hospital staff at LIJ is amazing by the way. They treated us like people.  That may sound weird to say.  Considering we had no insurance and my mom has no access to medicare or medicaid because of the Identity Fraud.  The social worker was concerned about the costs for her cause the bills are going to be staggering.  Everyone was amazing,  Let me tell Betsy and Liz had all the paperwork organized and ready to go.  They were on point with everything.  I could not even begin to tell you how grateful i am.  Betsy had the paperwork ready for me to sign and take of.
The worse part for my mom was the cleaning of the port because it is so tender and when they had to tap into it.  It is so hard to see my mom in pain even if it was for a minute
The actual chemo was the easy part.  She slept thru it, all cuddled up with get better bunny.
With this type of Chemo She won't lose her hair.  So Betsy and I won't be shaving our heads...  We are just hoping to contain this tumor and possibly shrink it. 
They gave her an Anti nauseous meds so so far she isn't even feeling sick. Me, Betsy and My mom spent the even putting together Betsy's Halloween costume.  Mom and I will work on it tomorrow.  Like it was any other time I have come home to visit.
But its not.  I try to tempter reality with hope.  No one what the future will bring and I also know the odds.  We will take things one day at time. Step by step and deal with stuff as they come.  The next months are going to be tough on me and my sister.  Hell, it will be tough on everyone who loves my mother.  Mommy is a fighter.  She is not going down without a fight.  And we are going to be by her side, fighting the good fight.  And I'm going to enjoy every minute I have with her.

  

Mommy and get better bunny

  For those who would like to help us with cost of Caring for my mom The gofund me link for my mom is here:
http://www.gofundme.com/4uoucw

 

 

 

Our mom... Laura... not that any of our friends call her that.

Otherwise known as Mommy, Mommy laura, or as my friends in NC like to call her Rican Mom.  Or the patron Saint of Cleaning.  I swear you can't leave that woman a house that even slightly messy, you'll never find anything again but the house will be spotless.  I've seen that woman remove stains that a team of professionals couldn't.  Well after 44 years as a housekeeper I guess you a little something. 
Mommy was single mother before it because the norm.  When I was a baby my mother had to lie that she was widow to get an apartment.  Shes been through some hardships and struggle but alwasy went out of her way to help others.
Always a smile, and the loudest most contigaous laugh  you ever heard. She always the first one to voluteer to help someone in need. My friends would like to mention how much they love her cooking.

 from Puerto Rican Supper Club.

My mom had been diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer.
 Currently, she is a victim of identity theft. A woman in California stole her identity and used her social security number to obtain goverment benefits including Medicare. Due to this situation my mother is unable to receive her entitled benefits. Currently, Laura is a victim of identity theft. A woman in California stole her identity and used her social security number to obtain goverment benefits including Medicare. Due to this situation my mother is unable to receive her entitled benefits. In the passed few weeks, we have learned that she has stage 3 pancreatic cancer and bills are getting high. We need help for her treatment, Medicine, transportation, and care afterwards. "Mommy" is a strong woman, eager to live and she feels that her job here on earth is not done yet.
We have a fundraiser on gofundme.com
there are two. one for her medical expenses http://www.gofundme.com/4uoucw
and one for travel expenses for me to make the trips to ny and back that my friends set up for me with excess going to moms comfort and care.
http://www.gofundme.com/4os4r0
This page is mainly for my sister and I to give updates of my mom and her condition.  Most importantly to  share photos and stories of my mom.