Got up Tuesday morning mom is up, but not feeling well. We still need to get her anti-nausea meds. They weren't ready last night. Mom goes back to bed. The bunny and I go off to get her meds.
God this is so hard. Well, not that its been easy by any means, since i found out about my mother's cancer.
I'm the oldest daughter and moved away when I was 23. And mom was not happy. She didn't speak to me for 3 months but eventually she realized NC was good for me. She loves NC and loves to visit. After over 17 years the place grows on you.
I am a single woman, no children and no "career". There are some who consider my life apparently worthless and since I have nothing I should just drop everything and move to back to NY.
I don't rule out moving back temporarily or permanently but that's not decision that can be made lightly.
I love my mother more then I could ever say in words. You have idea how painful it has been not being able be physically be here for my family. My sister and my mom are everything to me. They are who made me who I am. And I'm not ashamed of who I am and my life. They are my biggest cheerleaders.
There will maybe decisions to be made including whether or not I should move.
For those of you who think I have nothing:
I have a lease. One I just signed in September. I break that lease I will owe a lot of money and leave two people basically homeless. I have a job, two actually. And they have been really great about letting me have time off so I can see my mom. Then there is my performing life. I do shows and gigs through out the year. Of course there is my Group Nerd-Vana. We are one year strong and still growing. Our last show was amazing.
God this is so hard. Well, not that its been easy by any means, since i found out about my mother's cancer.
I'm the oldest daughter and moved away when I was 23. And mom was not happy. She didn't speak to me for 3 months but eventually she realized NC was good for me. She loves NC and loves to visit. After over 17 years the place grows on you.
I am a single woman, no children and no "career". There are some who consider my life apparently worthless and since I have nothing I should just drop everything and move to back to NY.
I don't rule out moving back temporarily or permanently but that's not decision that can be made lightly.
I love my mother more then I could ever say in words. You have idea how painful it has been not being able be physically be here for my family. My sister and my mom are everything to me. They are who made me who I am. And I'm not ashamed of who I am and my life. They are my biggest cheerleaders.
There will maybe decisions to be made including whether or not I should move.
For those of you who think I have nothing:
I have a lease. One I just signed in September. I break that lease I will owe a lot of money and leave two people basically homeless. I have a job, two actually. And they have been really great about letting me have time off so I can see my mom. Then there is my performing life. I do shows and gigs through out the year. Of course there is my Group Nerd-Vana. We are one year strong and still growing. Our last show was amazing.
Most importantly there are my friends who are the family I have made over 17 years of living in the Carolinas. I'm not choosing my friends over my family. But understand the reason I'm in NY right now because of them. They raised money and still are raising travel money for me to help care for my mom. They have been shoulders I have been crying on when its gets to be to much. I did not know that I was so loved. It been very humbling and i can't say enough nice things about my friends.
It is very difficult for me just to pick up and leave. IF I chose to move it will be done with forethought. I will need a job, and a place to stay. These are not things I have right now here. Never mind I would probably have to sell everything I own because most likely I would not have space to bring it with me.
Please be aware this time for my family is very difficult. And even though you may mean well, please do not tell me that it is my duty to move back. This is a decision mother, my sister and I will make. It will not be a rash decision. I am very aware how serious the situation is. This is my mother and I am not ready to lose her. Don't think for a moment I do not love my mom or care about her well being. I know that my sister has been doing the heavy lifting. I don't need to be reminded. I just ask you to be kind and considerate. I need your support and not your judgement.
Now we will get back to you regular mommy blog posts. Thank you for letting me vent a bit.
Now we will get back to you regular mommy blog posts. Thank you for letting me vent a bit.
Do what is right for you three. No one else can make that decision for you. Mommy knows you love her and that you are there for her. We will help as much as we can to make sure that you can be there for her. Love you guys!
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